Hey family. It’s been a while and I must say I miss writing. I never thought I’d be experiencing writers block so early into my blog but it happened and now I’m back. Blogging for me came so natural. It was just my way of pouring my heart out on “paper” but one of my 2021 goals was to take it more seriously and actually see it as a gift. This caused me to be more intentional about the style of writing and what content I want to put out. The matters of the heart series was supposed to be a reflection of my moments with God but with intentionality comes structure. I had to dig deep and ask myself how will this help my fellow bloggers and readers.
I’ve sat down for weeks struggling to come up with what I wanted to do with part three. “God, change my heart” sounds simple right? All I had to do was pray for God to change my heart. The big question is change it from what? What condition was my heart in? What exactly did I have to ask God to change?
One thing I promised myself at the beginning of my journey was to never open up about my romantic relationships. This part was off limits because it’s the one area that I was bruised the most and God is still working on that area. My heart has been under construction. I’ve learnt to associate love with romance but what is love? Love is God, God is love. If I am an extention of God and his child then it means that I was created by love to love. With this realization came a revelation that my purpose is to love everyone. Now how would God change my heart? He would have to break down the walls I’ve built around my heart. I needed him to teach me to accept his love and allow his love to be the foundation of my being. The Bible says guard your heart but it doesn’t say anything about restricting your heart from doing what it’s meant to do. You see, at my lowest I am love, at my highest I am love. I deserve love, I am worthy of love.
God, change my heart.
Change my heart to love everyone to be kind to others, to extend grace. Change my fears to faith. Work on my heart to be what you intended it to be.
I had to learn by going through some stuff. I had met someone who showed me my blindspots, he showed me my weaknesses and he showed me that I was filled with more judgment and bitterness than love. He taught me that love is supposed to be unconditional. Before he came along, I had been operating from a place of fear and pain. I pushed people away. I pushed God away. I didn’t give God permission to get close to me and love me. What did I really want? I wanted God to open my heart. I wanted him to give me a pure heart. If he could love me beyond my flaws, then I could reflect that love into the world and use it to light up other hearts drowning in darkness.
change my heart.
Change my heart to serve you and to serve others. Let me not utter the words love without doing love.