We often get so got up in life that we forget to pause and smell the roses of where we are in the moment. When it comes to healing, I’ve noticed how the world doesn’t stop spinning for us to just breathe and soak it all in. Let me tell you guys a story of how God put my life on pause in order for me to get the healing that I so desperately needed.
It was two years ago, when God decided that’s it. My daughter needs to heal. My whole life was put on pause. During my teenage years all the way up until my varsity days and my first year of working my life was filled with constant deadlines. I couldn’t breathe anymore and I felt like I was drowning in grief. I needed to come up for air. I needed to be grounded and drown in God’s grace. Little did I know that things will start falling off and I’d lose almost everything I knew and depended on. I have never taken drugs but the people I had in my life and things I used to do were my “drugs”. I needed my daily dose to get through the day and just make it out alive. My whole life I thought I need to just suck it up and be strong. That’s before I knew that God’s power was made perfect in my weakness and that God’s grace was sufficient. I no longer needed to be strong but surrender my brokenness to God.
In 2018 I had my last dose and that was it for me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was officially burnt out and I desperately needed God to intervene. I had to be willing to give it all up for God to take first place in my life. I lost the friends, the relationships and the job. In 2019, God decided to put my life on hold so he can spend time with me and so he can repair what was broken. In 2020 he kept me in the same position and did everything in his power to bring me to a place of healing and that’s how I ended up in the hospital. When I dropped out of my honours in 2020 it wasn’t an easy decision to make but it brought me to a place where I would sit at the feet of Jesus. When I did officially break the news at home the question that followed was “what’s next?” I had no idea what was next but I knew that dropping out would have consequences. I knew that would mean that they would cut me off financially and I had to have a plan to be independent. You know the saying that God laughs at our plans? That’s exactly what that moment felt like. On the spot I said that my next plan was to find a job, any job that would not make them doubt my decision. But that wasn’t God’s plan. A month later the news of Corona virus broke out and in a blink we were under lockdown. This obviously made it difficult for me to get a job. The world was put on pause and it was time for me to get the healing I always desired. This was the perfect opportunity for me to breathe and come up from under the water. One day at a time God worked in me and started setting me free from the chains of hurt, grief and emptiness. The process of pursuing wholeness and finding out my purpose and my identity was beginning to take form. 2020 was the most difficult year but it really tested my faith and pushed me closer to God. While people assumed I had no plan for my life they had no idea what God was doing in me.
Surely God’s grace carried me through the “so what you doing now, what’s your plan, are you looking for a job” questions. I was secretly working the vision that God gave me. The reason I never shared it was because no one would understand. They weren’t there with me when I was on knees begging God to take me out of this season but everytime I went to my prayer closet God spoke to me and told me not to worry but how could I not worry. I was 25 with no job, no husband, no child, no house or car. My YouTube channel wasn’t t growing for me to get a little income, I hadn’t started the business God told me to start, I had discovered that I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. It seemed like this was it. I was beginning to question God’s will for my life. All those moments I had stepped out on faith led me to a sunken place. I was honestly so tired. I started to question if my cv wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t good enough to be selected for jobs. I started questioning my worth and if I made the right decision by dropping out. With tears welling up in my eyes and my anxiety about the future starting to rise God gave me a word. He told me to stop and smell the roses of where I am. I had to pause and thank God that I was where I had once wished to be. He told me that on this road I had to take it one step at a time and one day at a time. The most comforting thing he said to me was that he was by my side all the way and he was holding my hand through it all.
Every now and then we need to stop what we’re doing, smell the roses, and be grateful for the life God has given us. We need to be able to pull away from the world and just focus on God. He has so much to say to us. He cares for us and he knows what he’s doing. All we need to do is just trust. This is a call for us to stop relying on our own strengths and bring our weakness to God. So I challenge you this week to take it one step at a time and one day at a time. I pray that your week is filled with showers of blessings and that God’s peace may fall upon you even in times of doubt. God bless you and remember he loves you.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.