I don’t know about you, but 2020 has tested my faith and showed me that I was never really in control of anything. Here’s the thing, scripture will prove itself true. When you give up your life to Christ it is no longer yours. He determines your destiny and will design your life to fit what he has in mind.
As a perfectionist and someone who loves order. My life has been turned completely upside down. I’ve been struggling to hold on to what is familiar because the more I try that, the more I lose control. My life did not go according to plan. I lost control over my emotions, my thoughts and structure. I did not expect to be hit with a wave of depression but it came and it caused me to lose control over everything.
I haven’t been myself for a few months now and there are times where I feel so lost and I constantly need to ask God if I’m on the right path and for direction. At the moment it feels like I’m losing and there’s no win in sight. Everything seems to be falling apart. I set schedules and to do lists and sometimes my day completely takes a turn and I end up being consumed by everything. While I was on a social media break I felt so connected to God and God had placed a new idea in my heart to produce but when I started, life happened. All of a sudden I was organizing family events and I had to spend time with people and focus on them. I had no time to produce what God said I should produce. I would normally beat myself up about it but God has been teaching me about grace. It’s almost like he was preparing me for this season. The thing about mental illness is there are times you feel like you will just lose your mind when faced with pressure but this time around I chose Grace. Thank God grace was preached over and over again in every sermon. I chose to approach my day with the grace that Jesus gave me as a gift and now I treat myself with grace. I tell myself it’s ok if you didn’t do it, it’s ok if you didn’t finish, it’s ok if you messed up. You have the grace of God that covers and fills the gaps of your life. This helped me to be kinder to myself and has taught me to let go of the little things. It’s helped me not lose my mind in situations I would normally just break down. Yes occasionally I do break down at the feet of Jesus when I’m overwhelmed but the difference now is that I know I have the grace to carry on. Grace has carried me all my life and continues to do so. Grace holds me together and gives me access to everything that God has for me. I’ve started looking at life through the lense of grace.
Child of God, you have access to grace. When you’re losing control, it’s ok. Jesus is in control and your destiny is in his hands. It’s a good thing that you’re losing control because it means you’ve surrendend your life to him and it shows you trust him with your life. This Revelation is something the Holy Spirit ministered to me just now. I’m letting God have his way.
May God’s delightful grace and peace rest upon you.
2 Thessalonians 1:2 TPT