We’re living in the most shaky time of our lives and although I overcame anxiety and depression a year ago. It’s fair that a time like this would be a threat to the very thing that God saved me from. With the virus spreading even more and affecting people that I personally know my mind has been set back into feeling anxious. I’ve been going through a turbulence with my emotions and thoughts and I’ve been fighting the darkest thoughts and feelings. Its not only the virus that I was worried about but it’s other factors such as; will we be able to afford the life we’ve been living, on top of that I have to fight my insecurities and also deal with lack in some areas. It’s really hard to navigate through a stormy season when you’ve had expectations of a breakthrough and to finally be at a place where you’ve dreamed of being. You always feel so unfulfilled and feel like the virus is now delaying your plans and put a pause on your life. Ive been dealing with this frustration of having to accept that there is really not much I can do but wait on God.
I’ve been feeling so uneasy about turning 25 and I had reached a place of peace but then when I actually turned 25 there was an undeniable shift in my spirit, in my mind, my emotions and everything changed. I was not expecting that. I was so excited that everything will finally fall into place in my life but only to be faced with the reality that not much had changed in my life. So yes, that’s why I’ve been gone for so long and appearing less on the socials. I was learning how to adjust to what was happening and keeping up with where I was. This came with an honest evaluation of where I am in life and how far I am to being where I want to be.
Everything seems like it’s falling apart but God has been so good and so faithful that everyday he sends me manna and bread to eat from. And I’m not talking about phycial bread. I’m talking about the word. Everyday, God has not failed to send me a word from anybody. There has been so many prophecies, videos, scriptures emails and instagram and Twitter posts that keep me going. Here’s the thing. Despite what I’ve been going through I haven’t stopped seeking the Lord. There are days I don’t feel like it because I’ve been exhausted mentally and spiritually but my soul continued to seek him. I made an effort to pray as frequently as I can and read the Bible everyday and of course listen to worship music. There was a sense of giving up but I never quit on prayer because on most days if I can just pray I feel like everything is going to be alright. Did I mention to you guys that with all the dark thoughts and feelings I reached a place of unbelief? Yes, my belief started to fade away. I started doubting and not believing everything God had said and what his plan was for my life. I didn’t believe in the blessings and promises. The dangerous thing about this is that it keeps you away from being grateful and you end up not seeing the areas where you are blessed.
I’ll do another post about the power of gratitude another day but in short gratitude is so important. I found it hard to even thank God for what I used to thank him for. The enemy is really great at using these seasons to change your mind about God. his strategy is to make you turn away from God. You need to be very careful in seasons like this because the devil knows he can use them as opportunity to make your life hell and that’s why you can never give up on prayer. Your prayers have power. You need to keep praying and reading the word because the only way to fight those negative thoughts and feelings is if you stay connected to God through prayer and scripture…
Where was I? Oh yes, mental health.
My mental health was threatened but it’s ok because it wasn’t until I broke down and admitted to God where I was and what was actually going on. Don’t be afraid to be honest with God. The world always expects us to have it all together at all times and to always be happy, especially us Christians. God wants peace, joy and healing for us but we need to be able to admit that we need healing. There was a time during this whole thing where I was the happiest and I had so much peace in my heart. Two months ago I was at my peak but then it all came crashing down. I thought I would always be that way and although it’s Gods desire for us to have peace and joy no matter what season we’re in I realised that I wasn’t as happy anymore but its ok. This is not the end I will get back to the place again. I will go back to the place where God intends for me to be. I just had to accept that every season is different and there’s a season for everything. That’s the best part. That this is just a season. I won’t always feel like that. Anxiety has been the biggest battle for me because I don’t think that I ever fully recovered from it. I hardly get anxiety attacks anymore which is good because I used to get them everyday but I notice I’m always on the verge of one. I still ask God to heal me from it but I know it’s going to require work from my side. The word says we are healed by his stripes so the healing has already happened but I just need to take a hold of it.
I want to take you guys with me on this journey of healing and full recovery this time. I want to help anybody who’s been dealing with thoughts of depression. I overcame depression and it’s my responsibility to share with anyone how I got to a place of healing. And don’t worry it’s not only my experience. Il be sharing tips from what I learnt in psychology. I might as well use my degree to use and also il be sharing tips from professionals that inspire me.
See you guys in the next post. Please don’t ever forget your feelings matter to God and he loves you.