It just hit me that I have a few weeks left before I turn 25. I remember just before I turned 24 I had, what some people call “birthday depression”. This is something I experience every other year, but in 2019 I was really at my lowest. This was no ordinary year. I was on a mission to find God from the start, but little did I know that I would lose so much in the process. I had lost so much of myself and my old identity. If you asked me, who I was, the only thing I would tell you is my name.
At the start of the year 2019, I had to let go of someone that was really close to me and someone I loved very much. I knew it was the right thing to do, even when I didn’t understand the reason behind God telling me to let go. The following months were torture. The reality started to kick in and as usual, the process of mourning memories and what was, started. The first half of the year was really tough on me. It was emotionally and mentally draining. My mental health had taken a toll. The load was so heavy that I just became so desperate to give up everything. I carried on trying to seek God, because I could no longer carry myself and I needed him to get me out. Now, here’s how life works, and I’m learning now, that life happens to everyone. Life happens to all of us. You can’t question why bad things happen to you. Just before my birthday, my cousin suddenly took his life. Now imagine, you’re suffering from depression, a family member just died suffering from depression and you’re still healing from your best friend taking their own life because of depression a few months ago. CRAZYYYYYYY. I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re probably asking yourself, “girl, how did you survive and come back from that?” this is where I can confidently say God is real, because there is no way I could have bounced back from that all on my own. My faith was weak but I had already started this journey so I had to carry on. I was alone at this point. I never thought I would experience not having friends at all. But here I was, the girl who had so many friends, with no friends at all. It’s funny how the dark and stormy seasons in our life instantly isolate us from society and put us in a corner all by ourselves.
20 June 2019… Not so happy birthday, but I was grateful to at least see another year. Not sure why but hey let me go have fun and enjoy my day, as sad as I am. “NEW AGE, NEW ME” I told myself. I think, I had a reset to life. I faked my happiness for days not knowing that this was my new beginning. The sun was finally shining. Winter was over, not in the physical season, but in my life. Little did I know that God would blow his wind right in my direction, and it would blow me into the place that would set me into my purpose. There I was spending time with family, reconnecting with other family members, having fun, genuinely laughing. And there he was. The perfect stranger. I was excited to meet him but I didn’t understand God uses people sometimes, to get you to the next dimension. I had no idea what it was, but I knew I was right where I should be. Meeting him, opened the door to finding out who I was and a new exciting life. I traveled across the world, I made new friends, I started being a part of my church youth, I started working out, I found my confidence and I got my joy back. I was finally living. The rest of the year right up to the 31st of December was the most amazing. It was a long time coming. It was spring time.
“There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens” – Ecclesiastes 3: 1