Why is it that we get peel off masks for our faces but never for our souls. We put so much effort in trying to make our cover ups look good instead of fixing our souls. We tell ourselves, that if we take out the impurities off our faces and we hydrate our faces and give ourselves a fresh face lift we will be happy. But when was the last time you hydrated your soul and removed the impurities off your soul.
It’s 2am and these are the hours I usually take a break from the world and I actually sit face to face with myself. As I wipe the last tear drop off of my face, I think back to a time where I was mad and insane. I acted out and for years, even though I had forgiven myself , I realised people never forgot. It’s really hard to forget a time like that but being constantly reminded of it , even as a joke takes me back and I feel everything I had felt on that day. I never speak about anything I ever feel or go through because I know people will not understand to the depth that I want them to understand. Everytime people remind me of that occasion I start to be filled with so much shame. I look back, in my most honest and raw moment right now , that actually that day was a result of the many times I had pretended to be ok, when I really wasn’t. I wish I had known the phrase “it’s ok to not be ok.” a lot sooner in my life because I had layers of impurities in my soul that needed to be removed.
Soul – (noun)
the part of a person that is not physical and experiences deep feelings and emotions. the principle of life, feeling, thought, and action in humans, regarded as a distinct entity separate from the body, and commonly held to be separable in existence from the body; the spiritual part of humans as distinct from the physical part.
In my journey to finding my voice and finding freedom, it has come to my attention that I can no longer pretend and try to cover up whats really on the inside of me. I realise I’ve become an expert in this. I spend most of my days laughing and smiling with people and making them laugh only to curl up on my bed at night to cry my eyes out. I’ve become so good at it. The smile and smooth skin from the peel off mask distracts people from seeing the dysfunction behind my eyes. The “your skin is glowing and oh you’re glowing you must be happy” really convinces us that the layer of our soul needs no “fresh face lift” at all.
I’m trying to figure out how I actually came to a point of having an anxiety disorder. I figured out that it stems from fear. The fear that was planted in me as a teenager. The constant beatings I got when I made a mistake planted a seed of fear and began to grow. Only in my varsity years did I start having panic attacks because I made alot of mistakes then, so the fear of being caught in my mistakes made me fear the pain and embarrassment that comes with making mistakes . The only way for me to heal is to admit that the fear actually exists, the second is to confront the root of my trauma. The sooner you confront your traumatic experiences, the better it is for the wellbeing of your soul. The brokenness of my childhood was now starting to make an appearance in my adult life because the more exposed I am to the pressures of life, the more it exposed that there were things that I never confronted in my past. I think we all need to learn to deal with traumatic experices soon, so we don’t make the people in our futures carry the burden of the results of us not peeling off the impurities.
Making peace with yourself and your life, starts with the peace in your soul. We have to all admit, that there are areas in our lives that would be better if we dealt and confronted our issues. In our edition to ‘being real, being free’ let’s be real with ourselves and get the help we need if we need it so we can be free and be who we’re created to be. Don’t be ashamed of therapy. I highly recommend therapy. We often have blindspots and don’t recognise the root of our dysfunction and therapy helps with that.
I can’t promote therapy and not mention, that it starts with God. When you pray and surrender your life to God he begins to reveal to you who you are and sometimes the only way to get you to see the fullness of who he created, he often shows you areas that are damaged and contaminated. But it’s not to terrify you and patronize you. He does it so you can see the areas that need healing, improving and light. God is your safest option . He gives you the grace and the mercy to get through it and He promises to never leave you. This is a guarantee that you will never have to go through the process all on your own. Jesus also promises to give us a lighter load for our burdens. So if the going gets tough, you have somewhere to fall. A safe place with no judgment but love to fall. The good news is, it’s available to all of us. So I dare you to give God a chance. I am better not because of what I did but because of his goodness and mercy. Sometimes all we need is love. If you can just water the corners of your soul with the love of God. How do you do that, you ask? Simple! With his word and with prayer. Be open to having a relationship with him. He created your soul after all, so he knows the kind of light to provide for it to be made well. Is it well with your soul?
Make sure your soul is well when you make an effort for the outter you to be well. Get that face mask. But get that soul surgery
What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?
Mark 8:36 NIV