12 years a slave

12 years a slave

I’ve heard so many pastors say, if you start a ministry, you need to know your why and who your misnitry is for…. In search of my audience,  I discovered that my message was not just one thing. It had layers to it. I’ve had many different experiences in my life that have shaped me. People often expect one side of you when life hasn’t happened one way for you. You’ve not only gone through bad times and you’ve not only gone through  good times. Our lives are a combination of both. I’ve realised that the bad times are what we learn from or either determine the course of our lives.

A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding. She had suffered a great deal from many doctors, and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them, but she had gotten no better. In fact, she had gotten worse. She had heard about Jesus, so she came up behind him through the crowd and touched his robe. For she thought to herself, “If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.” Immediately the bleeding stopped, and she could feel in her body that she had been healed of her terrible condition.
Mark 5:25‭-‬29 NLT

In this scripture we experience a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years and had gone through life with the pain and shame. She had made every effort to become well but it wasn’t until she had an encounter with Jesus that she was made well. And just like her. I know what it’s like to bleed for 12 years. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally.  12 years ago I had gone through the most tragic experience and it took me 12 years to realise that I was really going around trying to fix myself and trying to stop the bleeding. It hurt and I had gone through every physician to fix me. I’ve tried it all, the alcohol, the boys, the parties, the friends. Nothing worked. In this moment right now, in my prayer time God showed me that it wasn’t that I wasn’t healing all along, but the problem was, I hadn’t faced the truth that this experience had really hit me hard and really messed me up. I was afraid to confront how this experience really changed me and il never return to my original state before it happened. I’m only now discovering that healing is not only a process, but there’s different dimensions and layers to healing. Healing can not only happen one way because there is not only one layer of you that is hurt. I can admit that this experience affected every version of me that came after, it affected every dimension of who I was and it affected every situation that I ever got myself into. It affected my relationships, my academics and my behaviour and how I respond to situations in life.  As a result of this one experience, it really gave birth to all the other problems in my life. In my short 24 years of life, its in  the 12 years I’ve experienced so much that had contaminated, crushed and bruised my heart. I have every reason to be mad, broken, confused, lost and angry. I had reached a point where I had no strength left in me and just like the woman who believed and had faith, she just needed to touch the hem of Jesus. Just the hem. All I needed was a little bit of faith to find revelation and true healing. I just needed to touch the hem of Jesus so I could be made whole.

OK let’s go back a little, we were talking about my message and ministry. Before we continue I have to let you know that I was only 12 years old when I went through this.It was the most important year of my life, the age where I would discover who I am. An age where I would develop and grow into my personality and really tap into my interests and be a little independent.. So imagine being robbed of the opportunity to transition freely into being you. I was 12 years a slave to pain and trauma, to a life with no fulfillment and no purpose. I was 12 years a slave to allowing myself to be stuck and allowing the hurt to dictate who I was and what I could do in this world and it wasn’t until I came to Christ that I started the journey of discovering who I was, and how liberating it is to find my voice. If you haven’t checked out my previous post I suggest you do. My message is simple. Its freedom….. My ministry? Well I see now that this chapter of my life is what will allow me to teach and encourage others to live a life worth living, where they can heal, experience joy and peace. I just want to help you all to realise your potential and how much more there is to life. I want to show you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Free your mind, your heart and your soul and spirit of the pressures of life. You can’t hide from them or escape from them but you can free yourself from them having a hold on your life and controlling your life which ultimately leaves you empty, breaks you and eats away at your joy. My darling. It starts with Jesus. When you come face to face with him with all of that pain, you let him into your heart and the healing begins. It’s ok to be a wreck but not for too long. At some point you have to start living your life. The good news is, Jesus offers us a new life and a life in abundance.

“The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit?”
Proverbs 18:14 NLT

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